🎭 Scene: You, Starring in the Movie of Your Own Heartbreak
Picture this: It’s 2 a.m. You’re lying in bed, staring at the ceiling like a Netflix character who just lost everything. Your playlist is 90% sad songs, and for some reason, the air in your room feels extra cold.
If heartbreak was a mood board, it would have:
✔️ A dimly lit room 🕯️
✔️ An oversized hoodie that hasn’t seen sunlight in days 🧥
✔️ A playlist called “Love Is a Scam” 🎶
✔️ You, randomly whispering “God, abeg” 😩
Congratulations, you’re in your ‘Main Character Heartbreak’ era.
🎨 The Colour Palette of Premium Tears
Heartbreak has no business being red. That’s for lovebirds. Your own colour scheme?
🟦 Stage 1: Deep blue (because your WhatsApp last-seen is moving mad)
⚫ Stage 2: Dull grey (like your social life after ‘soft blocking’ your ex)
🖤 Stage 3: Dark mode everything (because light reminds you of their smile)
If heartbreak was a colour, it would be ‘Do Not Disturb’ 🚫.
🎒 The Official ‘Heartbreak Starter Pack’
You can always spot someone in Heartbreak FC by their tragic but iconic habits:
✔️ Earphones permanently in 🎧—listening to sad music like it’s a ritual.
✔️ Tweeting deep quotes 📝—like you suddenly have a PhD in pain.
✔️ Refusing to eat, until puff-puff is involved 🍩.
✔️ Randomly sighing 😮💨—like an unpaid Nollywood extra.
Side effect of heartbreak? You become a poet overnight. (Talking from experience)
🕵🏽♂️ The ‘Soft Blocking’ & FBI Investigation Phase
Now comes the phase where you’re lowkey obsessed but pretending not to be:
• “I don’t care.” (👀 Checks their Instagram stories before they disappear.)
• “I’m over it.” (📱 Creates a fake account just to spy properly.)
• “I don’t need closure.” (✍🏾 Writes a 5-paragraph essay on why closure is important.)
💀 BFFR. Heartbreak will humble even the strongest among us.
🌟 The ‘They Must Regret’ Glow-Up Season
And then… like a phoenix rising from bad decisions and screenshots, you enter your revenge glow-up era 💅🏾🔥.
✨ New outfit? Fire.
✨ New captions? Cryptic.
✨ New walk? Slow motion, like you’re in a music video.
At this point, heartbreak is no longer your aesthetic—premium freshness is.
🏆 The Plot Twist: You Win in the End
So, if heartbreak was an aesthetic, it would be a tragic mix of deep sighs, dark mode, and ‘they must regret’ energy.
But don’t worry—the pain fades, the glow-up stays, and one day, you’ll laugh about it. (Until the next talking stage restarts the cycle. 😭)
One day, you’ll wake up and realise:
✔️ You survived. 💪🏾
✔️ You’re glowing differently. ✨
✔️ You no longer care about their WhatsApp last-seen. 📵
And just like that, the pain fades, the lessons stay, and you? You become the best version of yourself. 💖
So cry if you need to, play your sad playlist, but when you’re done? Pick yourself up, step into your glow-up era, and remember—love will find you again, and next time, it’ll be better. I PROMISE. 💌
